Risk Management Reports

Earlier this spring I chanced on my old friend, C. Lee Shay, hiding warily behind a telephone pole. As I had not seen him in some time, I asked where he’d been.

Shay: Unfortunately I was doing time, sent up the river to the Big House, to the slammer, by the Language Police for impersonating an officer. They assumed that I was a CEO, CFO or CRO by my language. A clear case of mistaken identity!
Editor: How can that be?
Shay: Well, I was embroiled in an enterprise risk management project. I found a champion who was ready to enact a robust program, embedding a value-added concept that would empower the troops from the get-go. We designed the matrices, stimulated networking, touched base with senior management and started bottom-up and top-down analyses.
Editor: Did you use consultants?
Shay: Certainly. They swarmed like ants over our organization and created a ten-pound report recommending a set of deliverables that would resonate with all our stakeholders.
Editor: What happened then?
Shay: My go-to guy did it! It was do-able and he got buy-in! He rolled out the value proposition and ramped up our core competencies. He was da man!
Editor: How did he do it?
Shay: He created a set of proactive enablers and sent them cascading through the company.
Editor: And all this was a win-win situation?

Shay: Absolutely! As we drilled down into the organization, we achieved alignment, and created competitive advantage.
Editor: Didn’t any of this put them to sleep?
Shay: Not at all! We prioritized our steps, utilized our skills, incentivized the troops and maximized our margins. All our Zs were stacked in the same direction!
Editor: But why are you still hiding?
Shay: Those language cops are still after me!
Editor: What do they want?
Shay: Closure, you fool, closure!

With acknowledgement and apologies to Roger Angell, of The New Yorker, whose Chip Arbuthnot is the model for this dialogue.